


Don't Tell

by hrtiu



Series: Stronger than Fate [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Disillusion, F/M, Forbidden Love, Pre-Relationship, Secret Relationship, mentor/mentee relationship, takes place during clone wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26758330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hrtiu/pseuds/hrtiu
Summary: Ahsoka discovers a secret about her master that throws everything she knows into doubt. There's only one person who can help ground her again.Written for Day 3 of Rexsoka week. Better late than never!
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex/Ahsoka Tano, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: Stronger than Fate [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858399
Comments: 10
Kudos: 141





	Don't Tell

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution to Day 3 of Rexsoka week. A day late, sorry! The prompt is "secret."
> 
> p.s. I guess this story is slightly AU since it's implied that Anakin doesn't know that Ahsoka knows about Padme at the end of season 5. Oh well!

_Don’t tell anyone. Please._

Those words echoed through Ahsoka’s mind as she went about her normal routine at the Jedi Temple in a daze. Her meditations were a mess, Barriss trounced her in each of their spars, and the younglings ran wild under her distracted care.

“Padawan Tano!”

Angry words pulled Ahsoka from her haze and she shook her head to clear it, noticing first Katooni hanging off her hand and second Jacosta Nu marching towards her, the source of the angry words.

“Ahsoka!” Katooni whined. “Petro’s making fun of me! Tell him to stop!”

“Oh, um. Petro!” Ahsoka said, looking around for the errant youngling and realizing that he and all the other children she’d brought here were running roughshod all over the library. “Petro! Get down from there!” she snapped.

“Padawan Tano,” Master Nu said again. “Don’t bring the younglings here if you can’t control them.”

“I’m sorry, Master Nu. My mind was wandering. I’ll take them back now,” Ahsoka said, already moving to corral the children together.

She felt Master Nu’s disapproving eyes on her all the way out the door. _Blast_ , she thought, _I’ll have to find a way to make it up to her later._

Ahsoka shepherded the younglings back to their wing of the temple, passing by Barriss on her way.

“Hey Barriss,” Ahsoka said, reaching a hand out to grab her friend’s attention, “Would you mind taking the kids back to the youngling’s hall? I’m… not feeling great.”

“No problem,” Barriss said, her brows knitting together. “Is everything ok?”

“No. I mean, yeah. Everything’s fine,” Ahsoka said, trying to pull her scattered thoughts together. “Thanks, Barriss.”

Ahsoka turned and left the crowd of rowdy children with Barriss, wandering back through the temple with no clear destination. The once-familiar halls looked strange and uncanny—like all the colors had been inverted, or she was seeing them through a different dimension.

_Don’t tell anyone._

Ahsoka’s comm rang out and she nearly jumped out of her skin before recognizing the sound and answering.

“ _Hey Snips? It’s me,_ ” Anakin’s voice came from the comm.

At the sound of her master’s voice, memories rose unbidden to Ahsoka’s mind.

_Senator Amidala—Padme—in the room with her arms around a man. Why would she be doing this in Anakin’s quarters? Why would she be in his quarters in the first place? Padme startled at the sound of Ahsoka’s footstep and jerked away from her lover, who turned around in surprise-_

“What’s up?” Ahsoka said into the comm, her tone completely neutral.

“ _Obi-Wan wants to brief us on the mission on Yavin after dinner. Meet us there, alright?_ ” Anakin said.

“Yeah…”

“ _Snips? You ok?_ ”

“I’m fine.”

“ _...About earlier…_ ”

“I won’t tell anyone. Don’t worry,” Ahsoka said neutrally.

“ _No, that’s not-_ ” Anakin cut himself off with a frustrated sigh. “ _I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I didn’t want this to affect anyone else._ ”

“It’s fine. It’s not really my business anyway.”

Ahsoka wouldn’t tell the Council about Anakin, though she’d hate herself for it. Ahsoka had never been one of the more orthodox members of the Order, but this was _big_ , and she knew it would weigh on her mind. But she couldn’t ruin Anakin’s life like that. She couldn’t do that to a friend.

Except… Anakin wasn’t exactly her friend, was he? They were _friendly_ , but he was her master. He was her master, and he was asking her to hide something for him.

“ _Well… Thanks, Snips. Oh, and would you mind telling Rex about the briefing, too? I’m about to step into a meeting._ ”

“No problem, master,” Ahsoka said.

“ _See you later then._ ”

Anakin closed the comm, and Ahsoka realized she’d stopped walking. She was between two giant pillars among one of the many colonnades surrounding the temple. This aisle was essentially indistinguishable from all the others, but she still recognized it as an important place in her life’s journey. This was the aisle she’d walked down after she’d been assigned Anakin as her master. She’d been so excited, without an ounce of nervousness or doubt.

Ahsoka stared off into the distance a moment longer, then shook her head and reached for her comm. She was about to message Rex when she decided to go see him in person instead. She needed to get out of this place for a little while.

Rex was easy to find, exactly where Ahsoka expected in the barracks the 501st was typically assigned in the Republic Center for Military Operations whenever they were on-planet. He was finishing up some kind of officers’ meeting when Ahsoka arrived, so she waited patiently for him to finish in the back of the barracks hall.

She caught his eye after a few minutes, and he nodded to her smartly, saying a few more final words before dismissing his men. The men scattered, some going back to their bunks and others heading for recreational facilities, and Rex found Ahsoka by the door.

“Hey Commander. Don’t see you down here too often,” he said.

“I come by!” Ahsoka said indignantly.

Rex held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Alright, alright! To what do we owe this honor.”

Ahsoka laughed, but it was a little half-hearted even to her ears. “It’s no big honor, Rex. I just came to let you know there’ll be a briefing with Obi-Wan in the war room after dinner.”

“Oh,” Rex said, undoubtedly wondering why she hadn’t just commed him. “I’ll be there.”

Ahsoka bit back the frown that rose to her lips. What, did Rex not _want_ to see her in person? Would he have _preferred_ she just comm?

Ahsoka quickly turned those thoughts from her mind. They led down paths she really couldn’t afford to contemplate, especially not now. “Do you mind walking with me for a bit?” she asked. “We still have a while till dinner.”

“No problem, Commander. Where to?”

“How about… to the main plaza? It’s nice and martial. Could get us in the right mood for the briefing.”

Rex laughed and tucked his helmet under his arm. “Sure thing, sir.”

They walked in companionable silence through the halls, passing by boisterous soldiers and stern officers and harried engineers. Rex looked at her through the side of his eye a few times, obviously sensing that something was amiss, but he gave her space. Once they reached the main plaza, the crowds died out and the silence between them grew louder.

Ahsoka led them to a low open balcony that overlooked the plaza, and she leaned against the balustrade with a sigh. Rex took his spot next to her, posture straight and sharp eyes measuring as he looked around the open area. He never did turn the soldier off, did he?

“Something on your mind, Commander?” he asked.

“Ahsoka.”

“Sir?”

“We’re not in a combat situation right now, Rex. You can just call me Ahsoka.”

Rex cleared his throat and shuffled his feet. “Alright then… Something on your mind, Ahsoka?”

Ahsoka didn’t respond immediately, taking the time to order her thoughts. “I… What do you think of Anakin?”

“Of General Skywalker?”

“Do you know any other Anakins?” Ahsoka said with a slight roll of the eyes.

“Well…” Rex hesitated. “He’s a brave general. He leads from the front. He’s bold and decisive, but he understands the cost of his orders.”

“That’s what he’s like as a general. What’s he like as a Jedi?”

“I don’t know that I’m that qualified to answer that, sir.”

“You’ve met quite a few Jedi now. Just tell me what you think.”

Rex’s hesitation was even longer this time, and Ahsoka could see how uncomfortable the emotion was on Rex. Whatever he was, he wasn’t an indecisive man.

“I think that the General is a great Jedi, especially considering he seems… less naturally inclined to it than others.”

“Hmmm,” Ahsoka said, unable to disagree with that statement.

There was a time when she would have thought that Anakin was a great Jedi—perhaps the greatest. She wasn’t so sure any more.

“He is… He _is_ a great Jedi,” she said, as if convincing herself. “But… I used to think he had all the answers. I don’t think that anymore.”

She thought back to her accidental discovery in Anakin’s quarters, to her initial shock, and then to the first emotion she’d felt after she’d left the room and the surprise had faded. She’d expected to feel disappointed in his failure to live up to the Code, but instead she’d felt… resentful. Jealous. She looked sideways at Rex and her heart squeezed.

“Well I don’t think I have a lot of insight into any questions Jedi might ponder,” Rex said with a self-deprecating chuckle.

“It’s like…” Ahsoka said, standing up straight with a sudden energy and turning towards Rex. “The clone troopers have a lot of rules they have to follow, right? You wouldn’t ask your men to follow a rule and then not follow it yourself, right? That’s not fair.”

The light seemed to shift in Rex’s eye. “I wouldn’t, no. But I’d imagine it’s a bit more complicated if you’re a Jedi. There’s so much riding on your shoulders, if you need an outlet and it’s not hurting anybody, maybe it’s… ok.”

 _Maybe it’s ok?_ Ahsoka’s brain stuttered to a halt. Was Rex saying What she thought he was? Did he think it was ok for Jedi to break the Code, to find a… personal outlet? If… if he thought that… maybe…

Ahsoka’s imagination conjured up an image of two lovers in a room, locked in a passionate embrace. Except instead of Anakin, Ahsoka was the Jedi breaking her Code. And instead of Padme, it was a tall, olive skinned, blond haired man holding her tight.

Thoughts she’d been repressing for months broke free like water from a dam, and heat rose to Ahsoka’s lekku as she turned her face from Rex’s. Now that the rancor was out of the pit, she didn’t know if she could put it back in.

“I think it’s probably for the best if we forgive Anakin his weaknesses,” Rex continued. “Makes no sense to throw away all the good because of one problem.”

Ahsoka turned back to Rex and stared blankly until her brain finally caught up with her ears and she realized what he was saying.

“Wait,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “You know, don’t you?”

Rex coughed awkwardly and avoided Ahsoka’s gaze. “I don’t know what you’re referring to, Commander.”

“Anakin’s weaknesses. Tell me we’re not talking about the same thing.”

Rex blinked blankly back at Ahsoka, then understanding gradually dawned across his features. “How did _you_ find out?”

“Walked into Anakin’s quarters when he wasn’t expecting it,” Ahsoka said, and Rex winced. “What about you?”

Rex paled, realizing he’d said more than he meant. “I, uh, don’t know anything. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Come on, Rex. This is just a private conversation between friends. I won’t get you or him in trouble, I promise. Just be real with me.”

Rex’s stoic expression held for several long moments, then he caved. “He kept sending her messages while we were out on a mission. Wasn’t as subtle as he thought about it.”

“So… this doesn’t bother you?”

Rex’s posture relaxed and he sighed, leaning a hip against the balustrade. “I don’t… I can’t say I’m happy about it, but it doesn’t seem to affect his command, so I don’t feel compelled to report him to his superiors. It seems like Jedi business to me, and I don’t even know if my involvement would be welcomed.”

“Hmmm.” Ahsoka could understand that, but she was in a different position. She was a part of the Jedi, and Anakin’s indiscretions were something she was definitely obligated to tell someone about. “I don’t like feeling like I have to keep his secrets,” she said eventually.

Rex slowly nodded. “Yeah. Me neither,” he admitted.

“And honestly, it just seems so unfair. _I_ don’t get to flaunt the Jedi Code, why should he?”

Rex looked at her sideways. “Do you _want_ to flaunt the Jedi Code?”

Ahsoka’s lekku flushed again. “No! I don’t know! But I don’t like hypocrisy. Do you know how many times Anakin has lectured me on attachment?”

“I think I’ve heard a few of those lectures myself.”

“There are a lot of good reasons the Jedi have the rules they do,” Ahsoka said, knowing she was letting her emotions get the better of herself but deciding she needed the outlet. “But then I see someone breaking the rules and seemingly suffering no consequences, and it makes me question what the point is.”

“I know what you mean. Do you remember last year, when I got a blaster bolt to the chest on Saleucami?”

“Yeah.” Of course she did. She’d received the report, knew he’d been left on some homestead in the middle of nowhere to recover from a life-threatening wound. She hadn’t had any feelings beyond friendship for him at the time, at least that she was aware of, but she’d still been terrified for him.

“While I was there, I met a clone deserter who’d abandoned the GAR and started a family. There he was, just living his life with his wife and kids on a farm in the middle of nowhere. I don’t want to desert myself, don’t get me wrong. But it seemed like he somehow managed to have it all, when that wasn’t supposed to be possible for us.”

Ahsoka nodded in understanding. Anakin and this clone deserter Rex had met, they’d managed to skirt the rules that everyone else lived by just because they wanted to. They’d had their uj cake and ate it too. If _all_ the Jedi and _all_ the clones behaved as they had, the whole GAR would fall apart. Why was it _those_ two who got to be the exceptions.

“It didn’t really make me want to break the rules, per se,” she said. “But it made me a little… jealous.”

Rex nodded slowly.

“You too?” Ahsoka asked, surprised.

“Sure. I mean, who wouldn’t…” he trailed off.

“I never knew you wanted a family,” Ahsoka said quietly, her already tender heart aching just a little harder.

Rex shrugged. “I never really thought about it before I met Cut—the deserter. But I don’t know. You see a man with a loving wife and two energetic children, full of life and looking to him for guidance and protection? Who wouldn’t want that.”

Rex wanted that? Rex was one of the most selfless people Ahsoka had ever met. She’d never heard him admit to wanting anything but victory for the Republic. Not better armor, not food, not a warm place to sleep, not safety. But he wanted a family.

Ahsoka felt an almost overwhelming urge to reach out and grab his hand. This was easily the most personal conversation they’d ever had, and if she was ever going to make her feelings known, now was probably her chance. She didn’t know if he felt for her the same way that she felt for him, but at the very least she knew he wanted love, and he was at least sympathetic to the idea of breaking regulations.

She could tell him now, and if he accepted her they’d find a way to make it work. They could keep it secret, like Padme and Anakin. Nobody would have to know.

Ahsoka found herself caught up in the idea. After a dangerous mission he’d come see her under the pretense of giving a report. He’d kiss her passionately, greedy with the limited time they had together, not knowing when it would end. Whenever they were about to embark on an especially risky assignment they’d exchange weighty looks, knowing that each glance was a reaffirmation of their love. She’d come to know him in every way one could be known, and he’d return the favor. There would be no one in the galaxy she knew, loved, or trusted like Rex—and it would all be just for the two of them to know.

“But I’m glad General Skywalker has you for a Padawan,” Rex said, interrupting her vision.

“Huh?” Ahsoka said dumbly, still not fully recovered from the sudden realization of how much she wanted that imagined future.

“I know he’s your master, but I think he could learn a thing or two from you, too. You’re one of the most honest, true people I know. I know whenever I’m talking to you there are no secrets, you’ve got nothing to hide. You can’t buy that kind of trust, and I wouldn’t mind if some of that integrity rubbed off on the general.”

“Integrity?” Ahsoka asked, still feeling a little numb.

“Well, uh, that is-” Rex said, flustered. “I didn’t mean to say General Skywalker _isn’t_ honest. He just… has some secrets, you know? I don’t mean to criticize, I mean, I don’t doubt our comma-”

“It’s fine, Rex,” Ahsoka said, raising a hand to stop his spiral. “I know what you meant.”

Rex’s words brought Ahsoka back down from the clouds. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t do what Anakin did—couldn’t act to the Council like the obedient Padawan, then go hiding a secret lover in her room. It wasn’t her, and even moreso, it wasn’t Rex.

Ahsoka looked down at the severe, duracrete floor, then up at Rex through her lashes. He looked back, still a little flustered, but more collected now. His golden-brown eyes were warm with sympathy and understanding, but he still stood tall, his back ramrod straight and his shoulders squared with perfect self-control. How did he do that? Most people were either strict and obedient but judgmental, or sympathetic and forgiving but less disciplined. Rex somehow managed to hold himself to the highest of standards while being understanding of other people’s flaws.

Rex deserved better than to be somebody’s dirty little secret.

If she was ever going to be with him—and against all reason and logic Ahsoka still hoped that one day she could—it would be open and honest. Everyone would know how much he meant to her. That wasn’t possible right now, but maybe someday it would be. Ahsoka couldn’t imagine _how_ , but she still stubbornly hoped.

Rex’s comm beeped the change of the hour, and he checked the time. “I really should head to the mess before this briefing, Commander,” he said.

“Of course,” Ahsoka said, a little melancholy but more grounded than she’d been an hour ago. Rex always had a way of helping her figure things out. “I’m sorry I’ve kept you so long.”

“Not a problem, Commander. I… hope I’ve been helpful, in some way?”

“You have, Rex. You’re always helpful.”

“Glad to hear it, Commander.”

Rex saluted, then headed off towards the mess in haste. Their conversation had left him with limited time for dinner.

Ahsoka watched him leave the plaza, admiring the focus and intention evident in each of his steps. It struck her with sudden force that for some time now, Rex had been the person she looked to when she didn’t know what to do. She still admired Anakin, would still seek his advice, but Rex was the person she could always depend on to center herself on what was important—on what was _right_.

She closed her eyes and projected her wish for him into the Force, not knowing if the Force could understand this kind of request, but making it anyway. _Please, let him be happy. If anyone deserves happiness, it’s him._


End file.
